Just saw a little kid say to his male friend who was getting into the mother’s mini-van, “Ladies first!” My first impulse was to judge their immaturity. My second impulse was to remember how I pulled the same gag on my male friend a week ago. Boys never grow up. I’m so thankful to be one.
If Every Female Musician Looked Like Adele
Then people like Katy Perry would never have become popular. I wish what executives decided will become popular female music was less hinged on the cup size of the singer and more on the songwriting and the voice of the singer. For that reason, Adele could totally get it before any pop princess. Looks, to some degree, are a dime-a-dozen. True breakout talent is exceedingly rare and is pretty...
Without question, one of the funniest films of the last decade. If you don’t think so, you’re a jive-ass turkey.
Choosing A Contestant For Deal Or No Deal
Deal Or No Deal Producer: So who do we have this week? Deal Or No Deal Casting Agent: A sassy black woman. She’s middle-aged and proud. She’s big, but she’s not ashamed of her body. She’s single… and looking! She’s loud and extremely opinionated. She’s looking for a man who’s just like her dad. She has a puppy at home named Yippy that she loves...
Thoughts Watching LINGO On GSN
Since I’m hungover (I didn’t remember Tumbling last night), I’m eating a baguette and watching GSN. - The female co-host on LINGO annoys the piss out of me for no good reason. She reminds me of an attractive rich girl who’s never had to do anything ever in her life, so she talks with this air of superiority that really gets under my skin. - Chuck Woolery is obviously...
DRUNK GOOGLE+ CHAT TONIGHT
FYI. I dont know-how I’m getting home. But it’ll be hangout tiiiiiiime
My Beard's Green Mile
The beard is eating its last meal. It will receive no last-minute phone call from the governor. It will be gone, right before Happy Hour, or as I like to call it, Mourning Hour. I go back to work on Monday, and while I absolutely could keep the beard, I need to EARN the respect of these children. I can’t take a cheap shortcut, have an awesome Grizzly Adams beard, and cheat my way into...
rob-tombrady: Steven Amiri is a horrible person and you shouldn’t vote for him!!! Here’s proof why! He took my mother Mrs. Dorothy Longo to a nice seafood dinner, AND NEVER CALLED HER AGAIN.
On vacation, I really wanted to buy a Jackson Hole, Wyoming t-shirt. It was a purple tie-dye shirt with two wolves in soft focus nuzzling each other. I thought it was the funniest fucking shirt I’d ever seen. My brother and I were both going to buy one, and then wear them around Jackson Hole. Then, I realized that I couldn’t wear this shirt in the real world. I’m an adult. ...
My Tumblr Future
I’ll be Tumbling (Tumblng?) a lot less in the near future, because I’m going to write a detailed blog— or something— about this year as a teacher. The last two years were full of insane stories that I’ll never remember. I’m hoping this year, as I write every day, not only will I have new good stories and remember old good stories, but I’ll become a...
shariv67: I am now on the 10th of my 12 hour bus trip to DC. Help make my hellish trip worth it by coming out to see Jusky, Emppalp, _TomBrady, BDGarp, PeterByrnes and I do stand-up tomorrow night. Puleeeease? The details are all here at http://www.comedyindc.com/twitter.htm Hope to see you there! :) If I was in DC this weekend, I’d be performing with these people, drinking with these...
Whiskey in a Tumblr: Come get drunk with the... →
emppalp: Hey remember that time during the summer I had a bunch of internet freaks over my house? ITS HAPPENING AGAIN. This Friday night I invite the Twitterati/Tumblrinos to my house for drunken fuckery. You might see @_TomBrady and @TrolleyCat compare vagina sizes! You might see @Hadzilla and… I’m extremely sad that I’m out of town. I’d be there all weekend for this.
Words With Friends is OUT.
Hanging With Friends is IN. Frank Longo. Play me.
Truthful Tuesday/Sex Meme
-While I’ve been told I’m good, a girl (who hasn’t had sex with me) informed me that girls lie, especially if they like the guy. So I have no clue whether I’m good at the sex or not. -To everyone I photobombed at Snark, my bad. -Tonight, I will be drunk Google+ing. My name is Frank Longo. Follow and join. It will probably start between 8 and 9. Let’s be honest,...
jusky: Some mean things one rapper often says to... →
jusky: Your rap lyrics contain numerous deliberate falsehoods and outrageous inaccuracies about your lifestyle. You are not very wealthy especially when your wealth is compared to my own wealth, which is quite substantial. You are a coward when it come to violent criminal activities and our mutual… Genius.
Tickets for the Twitter Stands Up show NOW... →
shariv67: Click on the link http://comedyindc.com/twitter.htm to purchase tickets for the show on 8/20 in Arlington VA featuring: moi, @emppalp, @juskewitch, @BDGarp, @bfriend, @peterbyrnes and hosted by the very funny Jessica Brodkin. SEATING IS VERY LIMITED. If I was in town, I’d be performing. Sigh. Only THIS can make me sad about a family vacation.
jusky: At one point at SNARK we all rapped “juicy” so fucking hard. I went around immediately afterward trying drunkenly to figure out who was in charge of the music, and could they play nothing but Biggie from then on. Good times.
Peanut Butter and Jeffrey: Shitty Joke Formats →
hadzilla: Instead of creatively adding intelligence and humor to a joke format, people take the easy way out with what is listed below. I will now do them all so you don’t have to. Special thanks to rob-tombrady. I’m the Michael Jordan of shitty joke formats. I’ve got 99 problems and they’re all shitty… Perfectly stated.
Birthday Wishes For My Friend's Sister
Today is a day I look forward to every year. My friend’s sister Lexi has been popular with the gentlemen for some time now. She became well-endowed in the chestal region from an early age, and dudes would come from miles around to creep on her. My friend and I would fend them off when we’d go to a local trivia night together. They all seemed to be the same— weasely meatheads,...
- I hope to be going, but I haven’t decided yet. But no other plans have manifested themselves for Saturday, so it seems likely. - I will be getting drunk and then finding a place to crash. Always a fun NYC activity! - All I’m bringin’ is my damn toothbrush. - And lots of money for drinking. - Yes, my beard is real. - Yes, I’m better looking in real life. - Yes, I...
whyhersdothat-deactivated201204 asked: What if your fiancee wants a DJ at your wedding reception?
SUPPORT RACISM AWARENESS
If You Care Enough, You Can Change The World. Come Help Us!! By Donating 1 tweet per day you will be supporting our cause to stop racism. Too Many Racists, Too Much Pain!! STOP RACISM And If You don’t support this Cause, You are Guilty of Racism. Just like @_TomBrady is Guilty of Child Abuse. 50 CHILDREN ABUSED. GUARANTEED. Did you know 1 out of 2 people doesn’t know that racism...
fruitlissendeavor asked: If they made a movie about your life, what kind of cheese would be served during rehearsals?
Questions on Tumblr
I would answer them today, because I’m bored, but you’d have to be even more bored to ask me questions for me to answer them. If your life is equally vacant today, join my circle of lethargy and ask me something. Or sit and pick lint out of your bellybutton. I’ve been hard at work at that for two hours now. I’ll post the end results when I think I’ve gotten the...